Dancing In The Fire
Tonight, I sit here on the first day of spring and I feel this sense of floating. This morning was an absolute tidal wave of emotion. I woke up crying and it continued for hours into the day. I had completely forgotten, that I had asked god for a healing last night… In my prayers before bed, I asked for the great healing of my heart. I just knew there was some lingering karmic patterns that were holding me in a space of great fear, and I truly couldn’t bare it anymore. Shortly after waking, the tears began to fall, rage like I had never felt before, filled up my whole body and began to spill out of my heart. My heart hurt so bad and I had no mental explanation, but I felt it it hard. The tears became heavier, to the point I couldn’t see, not even to write. I had to just sit and feel it all. The waves, came and went and back again, until finally I could breathe. I knew what was happening, It was like my heart was speaking directly to me, through the breaks of emotion…. I felt this deep inner trust in myself and a confidence only my soul could provide. I was becoming whole again. Layers and layers of pain from withholding my voice, the little girl in me could only speak about that things didn’t really matter. The woman knew that there was more, there always has been. I was just using my little voice, my nice voice, my funny voice, so I could please others. Watch your mouth, don’t argue, don’t raise your voice at me conversations. I was silenced from what really mattered to me. This morning, I saw it all. I have been afraid to rock the boat for so long, that only fragments of me were ever exposed. So many moments of freedom and then hiding. Back and forth, speak and run, then sit in shame. My whole body shook, I felt scared and safe almost simultaneously. I could hear nothing from the outside world, only the vibrations from the inner healing that was taking place. It was my moment, my dance with all that I had experienced. Tonight, as I sit after the storm, peace fills my whole being. I am home, I am whole. My inner being just danced in the flames of my pain and I am reborn. The first day of Spring in all it’s glory, an unexpected rebirth just in time for the sun. I am alive.